Urgency ;; Exhaustion

11:13 PM

Trying to build this space for peace and rest amidst the rumbles of the earth caused by world leaders;

((amidst the exhaustion from grinding against a system that doesn't reward endeavors like these, a system that proactively tries to extinguish))

feels monumentally pointless.

We wanted this space to exist, even for a moment, but we fear that may not be possible. This idea may die before it has a chance to bloom and hold. Our little sapling is shivering from the storms billowing around it. We as founders find it very hard to hold the line when the world economy crushes everyone in its fingertips.

Over and over again, the crises never cease;

and over and over again we are asked to withstand until we ultimately choose to give up.

Fear from the news, knowing that we are vulnerable. Fear for the innocent people in Gaza, Tehran, and Ukraine. A UN rep resigning knowing that there are plans to respond to a nuclear war, not prevent it. People within the palm of the powers. Terror sown everywhere.

Whether it is a slow death through pressure within the machine versus the swift death delivered by a giant dropping its weapons on us.

Powerlessness

Hopelessness

Silence

Oppression

These are the things that are imposed.

They push down on us, fragment us so that we feel small against these forces.

News of war and corruption are the showcases of real cosmic horrors: pervasive and omnipresent. They aren't Lovecraftian inventions — these are dark shadows that could devour us.

Their smoky tentacles have already penetrated every facet of our lives by mining each molecular piece of information they can on you, building your specific profile to sell. Surveillance, information bombardment, ripples on the endless glittering voids we carry in our pockets.

We cannot battle it the same way individual protagonists of their stories do. The only way we would feel any agency is if we stand together.

A government is not a reflection of its people, even in the bygone era of democracy. Rather, it is the mirror of whoever sits in power, and clearly we see how world leaders choose.

We are trying to find happiness in a world that breeds desolation. These warmongers keep thinking there would be paradise under the rubble, caring not for the ants they see us as.

We built this little corner of the internet as our digital home, hoping it would lead to a space where we could physically hold more people together. But I am terrified and exhausted. I don't know how much longer we can hold on.

I have seen glimmers of hope from Earthlings Undone and Mako Micropress (may the people behind these spaces also receive reprieve), but in this moment after reading the news about nuclear threats made by the Empire, I am deeply terrified. Will we be forced to abandon this precious thing of ours?

~ Nikki